I'm Sneaking Around

Apparently i'm obsessive and completely crazy.

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 12:35:15 -0700

I haven’t spoken with Amanda or anyone relating to her for about a month now. I gave Amanda’s father a call to see if he could relay a letter to her for me and got into another lovely debate on this whole subject of her rejecting me out of the blue. Apparently I have the only answer I’m ever going to get from her (“I don’t have time, bye.”), he says to me: “things change, people change”, “You’ll get over it, it just takes time”, “You’re being obsessive and childish”, “What did you expect to be together forever?” (For the record, no I didn’t.)

I’m simply not satisfied with the answer, or lack thereof that i’ve been given. I know it isn’t the truth either. I know theres more that, despite her constant insistance that she’s being honest with me, she’s just refusing to tell me. At one point when she actually DID pick up one of my calls, she let out that there were other problems but she didn’t want to pick it apart, she just wanted a clean break. Am I crazy? Is it really disturbingly wrong of me that I want a resolution? Any resolution. Whether it be up getting back together (impossible at this point) or her actually giving me straight answers to my question of “Why?”

I suppose the only way to recognize that you’re mad is if everyone insists that you are. Perhaps I have lost it completely. Perhaps the answer has been staring me blankly in the face since she uttered the words “…we can’t be together anymore…” Perhaps in my frenzy to understand I’ve knocked the answer under the couch in my panic. Honestly, it’s difficult for me to say with any certainty and I can only know half of the truth without her involvement. I really do want to understand, from the bottom of my heart, I do. But nothing equates, her saying she loves me, me saying I love her, and then her wanting us to be apart no matter the circumstances just doesn’t fit together. Either her love for me was a lie or there is more than she is willing to say. I know it is the latter, but now I know she no longer loves me as well.

I wish I was suicidal so I could just slash my wrists and start over again. It probably wouldn’t be more painful than all the distress I’ve put myself under in the last month or so. BLARGH!

So ronery...

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 15:51:41 -0700

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xhve8_team-america-im-so-ronery_fun

I’m so ronery without being able to speak to Amanda. I hate that she’s brought me to this point. I hate that she won’t even give me the time of day. I don’t deserve any of this, I don’t want to feel like this, I don’t want to have to go through this any longer. Well, time heals all wounds right? Sure, perhaps in 10 years I simply won’t care. Perhaps i’ll be married? Dead? Who knows? I can’t even see a week ahead of me, let alone years at a time.

I think I can finally see through the eyes of people who live their life being afraid of being alone. It’s just this feeling of being unable to speak with anyone, there’s nobody to listen to me except my blog. My friends are few and far between. With Amanda I felt I had someone to share things with and now she’s just written me out of her life, claiming that she has time for no one but herself. It’s not only selfish, but untrue. I can’t help but believe she’ll collapse under the weight of all of this and want out. Perhaps that isn’t true. She’s in such a great situation compared with most people I know. She’s staying with her wealthy parents, not needing to pay for anything, eating well every night, sleeping in a million dollar house with the only responsibility of getting to work every day. I wish I was so lucky. I always have been jealous of her situation. It was amazing to me when she chose to give up all of that for the year we stayed together, it was amazing to everyone I told it to. Her sad little cry for more leverage by cutting herself off from her parents financially. I know she felt the strain, she still spent as if she actually had money and was constantly under pressure with little in her account, relying on weekly checks from her father for assistance. And now she’s back in a comfortable situation, something I simply can’t provide at this point.

Even if I were able to move out to the middle of LA, rent a condo, and give her a place to stay I don’t know if it would be enough for her. She won’t speak to me about other problems she believes we’ve had, not even a peep. Or perhaps there were no other problems? I may never know.

It makes me feel used. “Thanks for paying half the bills, but I gotta go now, BYEEEEEEEE.” I know she has a huge commitment problem, speaking about marriage, not even in her life brought about nothing but anxiety. Why? Because of stories from her father about how everything changed after marrying her mother. Her father could convince her to drive off a cliff if he wanted to. Anything he says is gospel. So if everything changed after her parents got married, then it must be absolute doom and gloom for every marriage ever. That isn’t to say that I was necessarily expecting marriage from this girl. Especially now after this. How could I marry someone who would just randomly flake out, insist we have no chance and then drop me as if I was a bad habit? But again, there is simply no reason for us parting ways. I will more than likely be moving to Camarillo this winter, negating the distance issue. After that we no other problems. Time? Sure, that can be an issue, but she doesn’t need to hang off my shoulders every 5 minutes as she once did, peppering me with kisses and demanding my attention. That’s what she wants though, and if she can’t have it, she doesn’t want anything. At least according to her. It’s unfair to me that by her decisions and her logic alone, she wants to drop me out of her life. Is it my problem that you need to drive for 4 hours every day to work and back? Or you have to study for 4 hours a night? Or that your parents simply wish I was dead? No, none of these are problems caused by me. They’re all wounds self-inflicted on her. She’s the one in despair, “Whoa is me for I cast myself out of reach.”

I don’t want it to be this way. I don’t want to steal opportunity from her. I don’t want to force her to do anything she doesn’t want to. But…I simply can’t function anymore. The limerence is absolutely killing me on every level. I can’t do anything but think about the whole situation, about how I wish this was all a cruel joke, about how I wish she would just speak to me and realize what a foolish decision she’s made. It’s literally driving me mad and nearly to the point of suicide. I have terrible pains all over my body when I think of her. My stomach aches, my chest throbs, my legs buckle, i’m absolutely pathetic. I hate it.

I hate myself for being so weak. I hate her for doing this. I hate her mothers half of the family for hating me. I hate her father for being so fatherly and taking her side, despite that I know it’s killing him inside that this exact situation has happened to him in the past and he has found it equally maddening. I hate that she got a job, I hate that she wants this silly career over me, I hate that i’m worth nothing to her, I hate that she didn’t and won’t discuss this with me, I hate that she’s completely ignoring me and trying to contact her only pushes her further from me, I hate that i’ve altered my life to such a point in order to be with her only to have her drop me like a rock, I hate that her having a job at Safeway got me a job there, I hate that I bought a lemon car to see her, I hate that I sold everything for her, I hate that she wanted to keep these stupid boxes full of dishes (of which I knew we absolutely wouldn’t need), I hate that I can’t provide for her and can barely provide for myself, I hate that jumping into traffic seems like a better option than going to school, getting a good job, and living even better without her, I hate that she doesn’t want me, I hate that all I want is her, I hate that I do nothing but check my phone and computer for emails, calls or texts from her that I know won’t arrive, I hate that I won’t be able to take her in my arms and squeeze her as I frequently did, I hate that I won’t be able to see her beautiful sleeping face, drooling on her pillow as I kiss her on the forehead before I leave for work, I hate that she’s had to listen to me cry like a child, I hate that she shows no emotion to me except loathing, I hate that I know she’ll be with another in under 12 months, I hate that I know I won’t find anyone (possibly because i’ll still be obsessed with Amanda), I hate that my life is in disarray, I hate that I have no direction, I hate that there is nothing I can think of to do to bring her back to me, I hate that I have nobody to talk with about this, I hate that she thinks it’s all a silly school-boy crush and that I’ll simply move on as if nothing happened, I hate that she thinks she knows me, I hate that I thought I knew her, I hate that all of this has happened.

If I knew this was the ultimate outcome, I would have continued to live my life as a pathetic, sexless 20-something. Ignorance is bliss and I would have been much happier not knowing such a soul shattering feeling as loss such as this. It’s as if she has died. I can’t see her, I can’t feel her, I can’t speak with her. She is simply gone completely.

I can only hope that the current illness my body is carrying turns out to fatal instead of a common cold. Death would feel so much better than this.

Duality?

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 22:16:16 -0700

Why the hell is it that people constantly pine after the person that has hurt them emotionally so much? Why do I continually love Amanda and think nothing but fondly of her even after she has put me through everything? Why do I find myself constantly wishing to be back in her good graces? For her to tell me she loves me as she once did? Why do I think she’ll change? And more importantly, even if she were to change, why would I expect everything to be just peachy after she came back around? Love really is bizarre. I’ll always wish for her to love me again, as much as I absolutely love her.

I wish I knew where my life was headed, that I could see anything past the few minutes ahead of me in time. I desperately need some form of reassurance at this point. I never thought a relationship would be particularly important to me so it’s so surprising that I desperately want one now. I may always hope for that woman to be Amanda, but again, I can’t see very far into my future.

In other news, i’m looking forward to moving out of Tucson this year. I still have some months left here, but overall I should be out by December! I’m looking to move out to Camarillo for a lot of reasons. I’ve already got an “in” after talking to management about getting my job transferred out there, it’s more or less a done deal at this point, I just need to sit and wait until everything goes through. I have a few things left to sell and take care of in Tucson in the meantime, plus I need to save money money money, so overall, not a bad thing to have time to kill. Blah! Blah! and BLAH!

Problems.

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 14:45:39 -0700

7:50:25 AM Temp: sergio, I don't think anyone gets how fucking emo this whole Amanda situation is making me
7:50:38 AM Temp: if I had a gun, I would have shot myself by now
7:50:56 AM Sergio: no way...really it cant be that bad
7:50:59 AM Temp: if I had a sega saturn gun, I would have cancer EVERYWHERE right now
7:51:08 AM Sergio: lol
7:51:08 AM Temp: it is that bad
7:52:20 AM Sergio: dont take it soo hard i know it really suxs right now but later youll feel better and look back on this as a just a waste of time.
7:53:16 AM Temp: see, nobody gets it
7:53:32 AM Temp: I spoke with her father yesterday and he gave me the same bs that her and everyone else has been giving me
7:53:41 AM Sergio: well tell me then
7:54:00 AM Temp: "things change, you'll get over it, you're young, blah blah blah"
7:54:27 AM Temp: All i've done, since April, is work on getting out to California to be with her
7:54:36 AM Temp: I've sold everything i've owned
7:54:55 AM Temp: i've bough a fucking car (something I swore i'd never do and for obviously good reasons)
7:55:09 AM Temp: I've retooled my life
7:55:21 AM Temp: I was going to move to a new state out of the blue
7:55:58 AM Temp: all the while, we were in close contact the entire time we were separated
7:56:09 AM Temp: I got love messages THE DAY BEFORE she decided to end it
7:56:13 AM Temp: she left no clues
7:56:19 AM Temp: didn't discuss anything
7:56:34 AM Temp: and then decided to completely and utterly ignore me
7:56:39 AM Temp: as if I was dead
7:56:58 AM Temp: she won't accept phone calls, text messages, e-mails, voice mails, letters
7:57:08 AM Temp: I can't even get her a message via a 3rd party
7:57:20 AM Temp: all for no apparent reason to me
7:57:29 AM Temp: she hates me, because I love her
7:57:38 AM Temp: it's so utterly fucking heartbreaking
7:57:40 AM Temp: and baffling
7:57:53 AM Temp: it's killing me every hour i'm awake
7:57:58 AM Temp: I can't think of anything else
7:58:13 AM Temp: i've tried everything I possibly could to get back on her good side and it doesn't work
7:58:45 AM Temp: We're broken up for no reason, and she won't even speak to me
7:58:52 AM Temp: even though we were on 100% good terms
7:59:01 AM Temp: i've never hit her
7:59:05 AM Temp: i've never threatened her
7:59:17 AM Temp: all i've done is help her, love her
7:59:31 AM Temp: and out of nowhere, I get completely fucked over
7:59:34 AM Temp: without a reason
7:59:39 AM Temp: and without any further contact
8:00:34 AM Sergio: well we know something happened. and you made sacrefices for her. thats what love does you make alot of sacrafices for the one you love. do you think i would have still been here if it wasnt for tracee? you me and ben and prolly gilbert would have been long gone if it wasnt for her. even tough she put me through hell, cheated on me and worried me i loved her enough to stay and help her. its incredibly foolish but i did it.I know how you feel to be fucked over. you help her you l;ove her and she betrays you in a way thats seems unfogivable and without reason. even though she tells you she loves you you cant figure out why all this has happened.
8:03:46 AM Sergio: i know its hard and iu neve offically got over tracee obviously. and if anything were to happen to her i dont know what id do. i guess i would just try to live without her. but you should always try to live first
8:05:16 AM Temp: therein lies my second big problem
8:05:19 AM Temp: I have nothing
8:05:20 AM Temp: period
8:05:28 AM Temp: I have a sweet Macbook Pro
8:05:34 AM Temp: and nothing else
8:06:07 AM Temp: no possessions, no prospects, I live with my mother, I have a car that is a lemon
8:06:30 AM Temp: I've been focusing for almost half a year on getting out of state to be with my girlfriend
8:06:35 AM Temp: and now
8:06:42 AM Temp: what the fuck am I supposed to do
8:06:58 AM Temp: remember what I always said about making plans?
8:07:10 AM Temp: how I don't do it because everytime I do, they just blowup in my face
8:07:21 AM Temp: this is a perfect example

Options

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 17:06:00 -0700

I officially have absolutely no idea what the fuck i’m doing with my life. I’ve become so freakishly obsessed with my now ex-girlfriend that it’s driving me FUCKING INSANE. I literally can’t function anymore. I might be able to tear myself away from thinking about her and everything that’s happened for an hour at most but then I start the downward spiral back into thinking about how shitty the whole situation is for hours on end.

I want to just run away from everything, everyone, become homeless, forget about working, forget about even trying to function in a normal human life. It would show her just how fucking crazy she’s driven me, it’d make her feel pain and regret as I have. I just can’t stand that a woman i’ve loved so much could flip a switch one day and decide that I have absolutely no worth to her. Not only doesn’t she want to date me, but she won’t explain why, and now she’s ignoring me at every turn. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate her for it, I just want to fucking end everything. I’d rather have a bullet between the eyes than have to deal with this fucking stupid bullshit. If I had known that i’d be left like this I wouldn’t have even bothered. A year and half of happiness with her isn’t worth the fucking shit i’m going through now. I can’t stand it, my mind is lost, I want to fucking kill myself.

I want to be a better person, I want to have a better life, I want to one-up her and show what her what a fucking mistake leaving me is, but it’s so much easier to just end it all, to run away from everything.

I love you so much Amanda Marie Affrunti and all I have ever asked is that you reciprocate that but apparently it’s just too much to ask. I hate you Amanda Marie Affrunti, you’ve completely sidetracked my life to no ones benefit and for a completely unknown amount of time.

A Sample Timeline

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 15:02:21 -0700

1 Day - Love to Hate

1 Week - Unreasonably ignoring

2 Weeks - Completely ignoring, blocking off various forms of contact

3 Weeks - ???

It’s absolutely amazing how quickly emotions swing. From marriage plans to “i’ll never see you again” in record time.

Relationship: The Reckoning

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 15:48:00 -0700

I was sitting around, depressed about my relationship ending this week. I don’t think i’ll fully not be depressed about it for a while, but i’ve found something that helps me immensely. I was typing up letters that i’d like to send to her when I started reminiscing about our short past together when I had the idea to type up a memoir detailing our relationship from beginning to end. I have completed the first bit of it today and I could do nothing but smile the whole time when reflecting on our first meeting. We have never had trouble as a couple before, so I expect many more days of beautiful reflection. I can’t say when i’ll actually finish it, but I do hope to have it in a readable form that I can post here.

It isn’t simply all the rosey parts, and will be completely, almost embarassingly honest from my perspective. I would be amazingly grateful if I could have her read it over, fill in any gaps and correct any mistaken memories.

One of the most important things i’ve realised during this is the obvious passion she is showing towards getting her career off the ground. I know she loves me, no matter how much it feels like she doesn’t. I know this will be hard for not only myself, but also importantly her as well. I will match her, hour for hour in her quest for a better life. I will make myself a better person and focus on becoming successful. She doesn’t want me to be close to her, so I will follow her footsteps and feel as close as I can. I will never have anything but love for her and I want her to respect and love me for more than just my blind love.

Please consider everything i’ve typed below to be complete nonsense and hyperbole....

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 02:31:00 -0700

Please consider everything i’ve typed below to be complete nonsense and hyperbole. Relationships come and relationships go. Once one person cuts their ties, you can’t hope to scramble fast enough to refasten them. C’est la vie.

Today...

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 10:12:42 -0700

I’ve decided that I need to visit her. I need to see her glistening eyes and lips, her soft hair and warm body in person. I need to tell her how much I love her, I need her to stare deeply into my eyes, recieving every emotion i’m possible of conveying.

You really are the world to me baby. Without you, I won’t know what to do with myself. Without you, everything i’ve become in the last year dies.

Why is it that everything good i’ve ever had has to end so abruptly and without reason? Why in the world does this seem to happen repeatedly? You’re the only thing I care for, the only thing that keeps me sane.

I love you so much. I can’t wait to come to see you, even if you refuse to see me, I will sit outside your door day and night.

Alright...

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 00:50:49 -0700

Well, i’ve been foolish to say the least. You can’t force reciprocity. She no longer loves me and theres nothing I can do about that. I wish things didn’t have to be this way.

Deicisons...

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 08:21:18 -0700

It’s amazing how fast a brain can think under duress. I managed to drag myself out of bed despite the circumstances and head to work. I couldn’t help but dwell on the nights happening for, well, pretty much since then and still now. It’s a difficult thing to think about, relationships. It’s tough when they simply end in a whimper, pathetic even. I will not let this happen. Amanda is far too important to me to simply let her float by because she’s afraid of money. I’ll be moving to LA, officially, on the 10th of September 2009. I don’t care if I don’t have a job, if my car is a flaming piece of rubble, or if i’ve broken every extremity in my body. I will be in LA, I will survive, I will be with her through every ordeal now and into the future. There is absolutely no reason to break this off for either of us. I need nothing more than her, any and all other things in my life are either wholely unimportant or can wait an indefinite amount of time.

I love you Amanda. More than you possibly will ever know.

I called it.

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 21:55:06 -0700

It’s not that I wanted to be right, but I was. It’s over. She cited the unbelievalby selfish ‘money concerns’ for the entire fiasco. It’s pathetic that things could degrade to the point of destruction in under 10 weeks.

The Great Divide.

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 15:45:35 -0700

It’s amazing what such a short time of separation will do to a relationship. I know i’m living a simulacrum here but being separated from my girlfriend is really tough. Initially I didn’t think much of it, we were going to be separated for a few months, maybe six, and then be back together. However, a constant changing of plans and my girlfriends constantly panicky talk has gotten to me. For the past few weeks all I can think about is what I perceive to be the inevitable solution to our current predicament: separation. Not merely by distance either.

It’s a difficult thing to put to words, from the fact that she may see this and make it a self-fulfilling prophecy, but also because i’m simply so tired of thinking about it. It always irks me at the most random moments and then depresses me for hours on end until I can finally just clear my mind completely. Theres two lines of thought: just end it now, or stop worrying about it, but I can’t seem to do either. Ending it would be both immature and premature, it’s the part of me that wants to just cut off pain as soon as it starts though in reality, it would still haunt me for months if not longer.

The odds are stacked against us, but it’s simply something of our own making, which is what really kills me about the whole thing. It’s not as if we were forced apart against our will, she chose to leave and i’ll most likely choose not to join her. We’re separated for stupid, selfish reasons, the both of us. I hate it.

Obfuscation vs. Oppression

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 15:21:00 -0700

I started working at Safeway almost a year ago. Since the beginning I learned to loathe the absolute garbage music they pump through the PA system at every moment of every day. The lineup changes rarely, if at all, and consists of a regular 3 hour playlist looped until you just about go insane. I’m positive that it’s some kind of motivational torture, in that it only becomes bareable if you put your nose to the grindstone and focus on the work in front of you.

Lately I’ve begun to notice that nearly every song has to do with either a failing relationship, or a sex-based relationship. They can sing about sex all day over the PA system but employees have to appear sterilized: dressed like clones, no facial hair (except extremely poor looking mustaches) and unallowed to do anything but obtrusively interrupt customers in an attempt to offer assistance or please one of the power hungry managers.

I absolutely hate the cooperate ethic instilled in absolutely every type or business I’ve worked at. As if doing menial tasks like scrubbing the floors on your hands and knees is going to do anything to their years of encrusted filth except strain the employees body. I realize that I’m being paid to be there, but if I have nothing better to do why not let me go home early? Then this would cut into my available hours of work that week, but hey why not take it a step further and simply trim the fat and rid themselves of excess employees?

When business is disappointingly slow, they’re strapped for how many hours they will let you work and at he same time management loathes having to squeeze in every employee for anything resembling a full work week. Perhaps if they simply took time to cross-train employees in the various departments they could eliminate both problems. Am I crazy? I am I the ony one that thinks this idea would work? Apparently so. I hate working for corporate America, it’s decision making at it’s poorest.

An extended lapse of judgement.

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 06:03:00 -0700

I’m about done with video games.

That sentence should set the mood, but know now that it isn’t the exact truth. Over the years, with every system I have ever owned, i’ve went through a purging process. These are usually last gasp attempts to futilely extract what little value is left from what I own in order to buy up to the next generation. I sold my original Super Nintendo and 13 games I owned in order to buy a Nintendo 64, memory extension, and Blast Corps. I sold my PS2, Gamecube, XBox and over 30 games to buy into the PSP at launch, and most recently i’ve sold my Dreamcast (along with a large assortment of accessories) , my second PS2 and the over dozen games I owned for it, and now my XBox 360, PS3 and two dozen games I own for them.

It was never my intention to sell my current systems and games, but it simply evolved naturally. Since May i’ve been on a rampage of combing through everything I owned to that point and sorting out what I could, what I would have to give away, and what was just garbage. The breakdown of this was surprising and saddening to me:

Thats right, over half of what I owned was worth nothing or completely devoid of purpose. Even a lot of the things I had that could be sold wound up selling for dramatically less of their worth. Worth is a matter of perception though, and that’s the exact problem here. Things like my bed had an obvious value, but what about a heat gun? Curtains for a seven foot window? Grand Theft Auto 3 posters? A stack of envelopes i’ve been using for the last 4 years? Many of these things had value at one time but I had preserved them long past their point of use for that far off and non-exsistent future where i’ll need to use a heat gun for anything.

It’s frustrating to have gone through the process of trying to rid myself of nearly all of my possessions, it was difficult to sell things, it was difficult to decide what to give away and what to throw away. At the time, it was just a process: list on eBay, goto Goodwill, throw in garbage. But with the very little hindsight I have, it’s sad to see how little i’ve managed to accrue over the years. I know it’s not good to look at the value of your life through your belongings but when all sales were totaled I didn’t even have enough money to afford a super cheap car to move myself out of state (not including any maintenance, repair or mandatory costs like insurance, etc.) and initial rent costs for moving into a new place. It truly makes me see just how pointless consumerism is. Does everyone really need to buy their own lawnmower when they only need it a few hours every other week? Did I really need to buy a soldering iron plus accessories and a heat gun to do one electronics project 2 years ago? No, not really. If I made money to the point where I felt like I had enough that I could call it disposable income, fine, but in reality it’s been [i]wasted[/i] income. I feel as if there is so much more I could have done if I hadn’t been constantly wasting my money. Even now with the disgust of my previous belongings still fresh in memory, I find it hard not to spend. I’ve been mostly resisting the temptation, nothing frivolous.

Now, that gets back to my selling off all of my videogame systems completely. I have rid myself of nearly everything except clothes, my laptop, and my current systems and games (save for a few other odds and ends) but my initial plan to move to California sometime by September is simply not going to pan out. It sucks to put it plainly. I wish both me and my girlfriend were in better circumstances, but we’re not, so that idea has been put on hold and with it the need for these boxes upon boxes of things we kept are now devoid of use. I honestly don’t know when we’ll ever need these dishes and pans for anything (I never did want to save them) and I see no point in the next couple years where i’ll be in a place that I can afford to buy a new TV and sound system to play any games, let alone when i’d have time for it.

I’ve been long-winded enough already, I think it’s time to end this one.

Car troubles

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 10:30:00 -0700

I knew I wouldn’t be able to get a car for under $2000 and have it be perfect but I was hoping that I wouldn’t need to spend much for any work. I took it for general inspection yesterday and was floored by not only the number of fixes suggested but also the absurd cost of the individual fixes. All totaled, the place I took it to wanted $2550 for parts and labor. I wasn’t sure exactly what they listed was actually needed but I knew that they must have been taking me for a ride on the majority of the work. The biggest standout of this was the ridiculous cost of replacing the power steering hoses: $435. You have to be fucking kidding me. I’ve taken it to another place today and they want under half of what the original place did. Regardless, I can’t afford all these fixes at once but I can get the important stuff now and do the rest if the fixes over the next couple months. The simple cost of owning a car is one of the reasons Ive never even glanced at getting one before.

Overall it’s much more than I was hoping to spend (my expectations were obviously unrealistic) but it’s something I’ll live with. Suddenly the $130 I want to spend on a new basic sound system seems like a drop in the bucket, I just hope it’s as easy to install as I think it is.

Hello world!

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 03:34:50 -0700

Hello world!

Selling things is difficult.

Sun, 03 May 2009 11:48:32 -0700

I’m having a fire-sale on the bulk of my things: furniture, a ton of random videogame items, my precious CD collection, and the tons of completely random things i’ve bought and used once over the years. One of the more difficult things for me to give up, for two reason, has been my CD collection. One: Because i’ve collected these over the years, they’re all from bands I truely love and a lot of them have been tough to acquire. Two: Because taking pictures of every CD I have and then posting them on eBay is a task for at least a full day of work. It’s taken at least 2 hours to photograph my 132 CDs, and I still haven’t even gotten to putting them onto eBay which will take at least another 2 hours, but who knows how long.

Selling things locally has been equally difficult with people requesting to see things and then constantly flaking out or just dropping contact with me. It is kind of amazing what people will pay for some things. While i’ve tried to price everything fairly, people will still buy things even when it’s a rip-off for them, at least from my perspective. Good for me though, I need all the money I can get before I head out of this desert.

Gearing Up

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 06:04:00 -0700

I’m Sneaking Around will soon be doing so around the nothern US. My lease is up for my place in July and after that i’ll finally be doing a stint of traveling around Oregon/Washington. Nothing is set in stone, but i’ll probably start around the south of Oregon and simply make my way upwards, hitting towns for food and whatever else I need as I go along. After that, it’ll be the big move to California. Not my ideal state, but anything is better than Tucson at this point.

Any tips, suggestions, places to stay or see are of course welcome.