Duality?
Why the hell is it that people constantly pine after the person that has hurt them emotionally so much? Why do I continually love Amanda and think nothing but fondly of her even after she has put me through everything? Why do I find myself constantly wishing to be back in her good graces? For her to tell me she loves me as she once did? Why do I think she’ll change? And more importantly, even if she were to change, why would I expect everything to be just peachy after she came back around? Love really is bizarre. I’ll always wish for her to love me again, as much as I absolutely love her.
I wish I knew where my life was headed, that I could see anything past the few minutes ahead of me in time. I desperately need some form of reassurance at this point. I never thought a relationship would be particularly important to me so it’s so surprising that I desperately want one now. I may always hope for that woman to be Amanda, but again, I can’t see very far into my future.
In other news, i’m looking forward to moving out of Tucson this year. I still have some months left here, but overall I should be out by December! I’m looking to move out to Camarillo for a lot of reasons. I’ve already got an “in” after talking to management about getting my job transferred out there, it’s more or less a done deal at this point, I just need to sit and wait until everything goes through. I have a few things left to sell and take care of in Tucson in the meantime, plus I need to save money money money, so overall, not a bad thing to have time to kill. Blah! Blah! and BLAH!
